I Lost My Wallet!!!

RIP wallet! No one knew my right butt cheek quite like you!

This weekend my wallet went missing. It’s a rare occurrence when I lose anything, and if I do, I always seem to get it right back. Sure, I’ve lost my phone 2 times in the 7 years that I’ve had a cell phone, but on both occasions I had them returned to me. That’s where losing a cell phone versus losing a wallet is completely different, you can call your cell phone, but not your wallet! Hmm, maybe I should invent a cell phone/wallet; mind you I’m sure iPhone is already working on it.

The first time I lost my cell phone I couldn’t believe it; I mean the freaking thing was practically merged with my right thigh, which is why I knew right away that it was missing because it was a bulky flip phone that always bulged out of my pocket – yes, that’s my cell phone bulging, so watch the elevator eyes!  When I noticed it was gone only about 5 minutes had passed so, I went right back to the place that I knew I lost it – at the giant puddle I had jumped across on the way to the bakery. I thought for sure it had fallen in the puddle, but it hadn’t! That was a gross experience I don’t want to relive; looking through a puddle on a city street; probably a good way to get hepatitis and/or Super AIDS.

Alas, my phone was not there so I rushed home to use my roommate’s phone and call my number right away! Of course, no answer; so I kept calling every 30 minutes with the hope that someone would pick up my phone. That’s the problem with cell phones, your battery is only good for so long, so sometimes there’s a very short window for you to find it. Finally, several hours later, a woman answered my phone. She sounded annoyed as if I was interrupting something important, but she did confirm that my phone was alive and well. I got her to tell me where she was so that I could meet her and pick up my phone. Since I was new to the city, I had no idea that she was a good 30 minute walk away from my place. As I ran down the street to meet her, I got further and further away, and ended up outside a “pay by the hour” establishment. I went inside and there was a little booth where a ‘concierge’ would normally be, but alas, there was no one to be seen. It turns out that the lady who found my phone was “at work”. My roommate let me take his phone with me, so I called her up and I could definitely hear my phone ring from behind one of the doors, but no one was answering. Judging by my surroundings I figured it would be in my best interests to leave the building and get my phone back from the prostitute phone-finder at a better time. The next day I went to her home and a gap-toothed, slightly rotund lady handed the phone back to me and told me “I was lucky” to get my phone back. Lucky my foot! After that ordeal, I was happy to never have to deal with that woman again and vowed never to lose my phone again! But that didn’t happen. Another time I lost my white iPhone in the snow which is a whole other story (but not nearly as interesting) but needless to say, it got returned to me, and then I smashed the screen on it. I’m starting to think I shouldn’t be around pricey items.

Wear pants in order to save your wallet!!

You’re probably wondering how someone who is obsessed with money manages to lose their wallet. On Saturday, I participated in an event known as The Underwear Affair which is a 5K walk or 10K run in your underwear.  Needless to say I was not wearing pants (where I normally keep my wallet) and it probably fell out of my bunnyhug (that’s a hoodie for all you non-Saskatchewan people). My wallet was lost for a good couple hours before I realized it was gone around 1:00 a.m. when I needed to take a cab home in the rain – with no money. I was convinced I left my wallet in my friend’s car or in my other friend’s house so I just waited out the night expecting to get a call from someone telling me they found it, but after nobody was able to retrieve it, I called my credit card company. Talking to MasterCard is always a little infuriating. I was informed that someone had been trying to use my MasterCard and they got blocked out after mis-entering my PIN too many times. After that they started going to PayPass machines to buy easy “no signature” transactions like coffee shops. I caught them in time I guess because MasterCard told me they wouldn’t be charging me for any of the attempted purchases on my card. That was all well and good, but then the bastards asked if I wanted to increase my credit limit by another $2,000 and that I needed to “act now” because “this offer is only for a limited time”. I couldn’t believe how freaking stupid that was! My card was stolen and then they want me to increase my limit! Why? So they can charge even more to my account? Stupid. Anyway, I was told I would have my new credit card in a month. How ironic since I actually need to use my credit card to book a flight for my brother’s wedding. It’s also funny that I would even carry my credit card since normally I never take it with me anywhere but I had forgot to take it out after my trip to Las Vegas.

After all that drama, I went to my bank this morning and got a replacement debit card. These sorts of things aren’t easy to do without any ID, which is why I’m glad that I have a passport. Even if you don’t travel, I would recommend getting some other form of ID so that you have a way to retrieve your stolen property. No damage done there either. After that it was off to apply for a replacement health card and drivers licence.  In Ontario, it’s free to replace your health card and the driver’s licence is ten bucks. Not too bad all-in-all. The lady who helped me get back my ID cards also told me to call Equifax and TransUnion and put a notice on my account to call me if anyone tries to apply for credit in my name. The lady told me how someone had tried to apply for a credit card 2 months after someone had stolen her wallet so I thought she had made a pretty good point.

Shortly after leaving the service office, I got a text from my roommate telling me the police stopped by my apartment to drop off some “items retrieved from a stranger” on the street that belonged to me. He gave back my (now cancelled) health card and one of my debit cards (also cancelled). There were also some old membership cards in my wallet that were given back too. None of the things that I wanted back, but I am hopeful that the police are holding onto the rest of my stuff pending an investigation or something. So finally, there was some good news about my missing wallet. Now the downside is that the things that I wanted back are most likely spent and long gone and the key pieces for damaging my credit (my credit card and ID) are not back yet. Once I had this tidbit of information, I called the police and filled out a police report. It’s really important to do this in order to protect yourself from fraud and it will help the cops catch any fraudulent activity on your accounts. The woman I spoke to on the phone also told me that I should call Equifax and TransUnion to place an alert on my file in case someone tries to open credit in my name.

So I called Equifax first and let me tell you, it was THE WORST customer service I ever experienced on the phone. I was never able to speak to a real person, no matter how hard I tried. Here’s how a call with Equifax goes:

Robot: “Thank you for calling Equifax, for service in English, please say ‘English’ or press 1.”

Me: “English”

Robot: “I think you said English. If this is correct, please say Yes”

Me: “Yes”

Robot: “I’m sorry, I did not receive your response”

Me: “YES”

Robot: “Thank you. To continue, say ‘Continue.’”

Me: “Continue”

Robot: “I think you said ‘Continue.’ If this is correct, please say “Yes.”

Me: “&$!#”

I’m not even joking. This went on for a good 5 minutes and then brought me to a message that said I needed a valid credit card to pay $6 to add this alert to my file. Number one, I don’t have a freaking credit card! It was stolen you stupid robot! Number 2, I’m already stressed out and pi$$ed off, the last thing I need to do is talk to a robot! When I didn’t get through to a person after 4 tries, I gave up. I’ll try them again tomorrow (maybe).

Good-bye $2 Bill!! :(

Anyway, every time I lose something, it seems to magically find its way back to me, so I guess I had high hopes that my wallet would find its way back to me by now too. Finding out that my card was found and then used by some d-bag after I just completed a charity event really grinds my gears. Fortunately the credit card had that chip in it so it prevented them from using it for any major purchases, with the exception of the pay-pass at a $hitty Tim Hortons. Ironically, in pre-Gail times, I never carried cash so I was never concerned about losing any money. However, since I’m in post-Gail times, some lucky thief made off with $65 in cash, as well as a $2 bill which I held onto for sentimental purposes and a little love note that my partner gave me from when we first started dating (sad face). Not to mention that I just loved my wallet so much! I was so unique and so me. Yes, it only cost me $20, but it was mine. Luckily I think I can order another one online and get it 2 months later (whoo, postal strike).

So what can we learn from this experience? Well there are some obvious things. The first one is that you should only bring with you what is absolutely necessary for the day. When you live on a cash budget, try to only take what is needed and leave the rest at home and safe in their little jars. An emergency fund will help you recoup your losses on the cost of replacement cards, but remember to always have a back up ID or photocopies of your ID handy to make the replacement process a little easier. Never bring your SIN card with you. In fact, do what I do and memorize it. It’s just like memorizing a phone number. If you want, make up a fake contact in your phone that acts as your SIN so you have it with you in a way that is not easy to find for thieves. And don’t forget, as soon as you suspect that your cards or ID are stolen, call you banks, report it to the police, and notify the 2 credit bureaus (Equifux and TransUnion) that your ID has been compromised!

Take care out there! I’ll update you all if there are any shocking revelations!

John

Equifax Canada: 1-800-465-7166

TransUnion: 1-800-663-9980

Report Card

Political Attack Ads always tell the truth

Today I did something that I have been dreading for a while; I got my credit report! Getting my credit report was actually the first thing I did today (well next to the getting out of bed). It was just like Christmas morning when you’re a kid and you leap out of bed in your pajamas and open your stocking; only in this case I leapt to my computer (in true total nerd fashion) and instead of pajamas I was wearing my tiny underwear and an open bathrobe, much to the delight of my neighbours across the street.  I wasn’t really sure where I was supposed to go to get my report and I was certainly weary of entering all my personal information into some credit site. If it were a scam I would be completely effed and my credit rating would nosedive into a steaming pile of $hit. I had heard about Equifax on the tee-vee machine so I figured if it’s on television, it’s got to be legitimate – much like a political attack ad - right?

So here I am, a sunny Sunday morning, sitting at the Equifax website and entering in all my personal information and after a few clicks of the mouse and several strokes (on the keyboard that is), I came to a screen where they gave me a number to call to speak to someone at Equifax. 9:30 am, waiting for someone to answer the phone and 20 minutes later, my phone battery is almost dead so I’m attached to the phone charger waiting for these Equifackers to answer their gosh darn telephone.  You’d think that most people wouldn’t be checking their credit history at 9:30 a.m. on a Sunday (apparently no one goes to church anymore), but alas, I wait and wait. Finally, someone answers and the line is so fuzzy that I can hardly hear what the guy is saying. Whoever he is, he has an accent, but that’s not the issue, I can totally understand what he’s saying, but I have to keep asking him to repeat himself. I could hear the frustration in his voice and I’m sure he thought that I was some racist making him repeat himself because he wasn’t speaking proper “American” but the reality was the awful static on the phone line. Our conversation went something like this:

Equifacker: Thank you for calling Equifax, how can I keeerssssssssssshhhhhhhh

Me: Yes, hi. I’m calling to verify my account so I can see my credit report.

EF: Certainly, no probkerrsssh. Can I get your kkkkkkkkkkerrrrrrrrrrrressssssssssssh?

Me: My what?

EF: Your neeeessssssssssshhhhhhhhhhh

Me: Sorry what?

EF: Name, your namssssssssssssshhhhhhhhh

Me: Oh, my name is John.

EF: Thank you. Can you please tell me you current shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrsshhh

Me: This is going to be a long conversation.

This went on for a good 10 minutes, and that my friends, is why it took 20 minutes to get through to an operator at Equifax. In the end, he had an incredibly difficult time entering my address in the computer since I live at a “half” address which no computer anywhere seems to understand and the conversation always involves the poor operator running to ask their supervisor how to enter my address. Anyway, now my account is all set up, so I logged in to receive the news that I have been avoiding to hear for the past forever.

Equifax has a rating scale of poor, fair, good, very good, and excellent. Apparently 47% of people have an excellent credit rating according to them. I on the other hand have a better credit rating than 10% of the population. Yes, I am not good, I’m not poor, but I’m “fair”. I don’t know how out of all those options they were able to determine my skin tone, but I can’t say I am overly happy with my “fair” rating. Being told you have a “fair” rating is like being told you’re not quite the smelliest fart, but most people would still have to leave the room if you broke wind.

So what does this mean? Double Rainbow? Fair? Equifax tells me that my rating means that most lenders would consider me to be a high risk; that I may have difficulty qualifying for conventional loans and credit cards - and when I do qualify for credit, I may be charged high interest rates. Well no $hit Sherlock. I must say that it is comforting to know that most banks are not going to approve me for a credit card so that if I get into some money emergency, I can’t run to the bank and get some credit to bail me out. What I didn’t know is that because of my rating, banks may force me to pay higher interest rates. This makes sense to me though since the banks know that they can make a truckload of moolah from my interest since (until 6 months ago) I carried really high balances. The rest of my credit report didn’t surprise me with any other information that I didn’t already know about myself. I knew who was looking into my credit, and I knew where I had screwed up (like that stupid Ikea card for example). I was happy to see that my damaged credit is only going to be on there for 6 years (not the 7 that I thought it would be) so my history with Ikea will be gone soon. I was surprised to see that MasterCard was checking up on me to see my credit history which coincided with all the telemarketing calls and balance increases that I have been getting from them and Rogers and TD were just as guilty. It’s no wonder that I am all of a sudden getting all the special offers from these companies.

I recommend that you get a credit score to find out where you’re at with your credit. It is a useful tool when you’re embarking on a debt repayment journey to show you the whole picture as to why you’re in the position you’re in but don’t take it too seriously. You might be surprised to see that you are one of those 47% with an excellent rating. If you’re in the “poor” category or even in the “fair” category like I am, don’t panic. Your credit score is not the only tool that lenders use to determine if you are a high risk for a loan. Depending on the lender or the type of loan you are looking for, other factors come into play such as your income, marital status, and so on. Now, Gail hates the credit score system, but she does recommend that you check your credit score at least once a year, so in her blog and in her awesome book “Debt Free Forever” she has her own scoring system to help you understand other factors that can affect your rating. The more “points” that you get, the better you’ll fare with the banks. Some of this information may come as a surprise to you so get a pen and paper and let’s do your score à la Gail (with a twist of John humour).

MATLOCK!!!!!

One of the first rules is not to lie about anything. If you’re lenders catch a whiff of your bull$hit, they’re probably not going to believe anything else you tell them either. If you’re under 21, you don’t get any points – and why should you? You can’t even rent a car or drink in AMERICA! If you’re between the ages of 24-64, you get a point because odds are; you’re working at a real job (unlike those under 21s who are probably all drug dealers and prostitutes – so untrustworthy). If you’re over 65, you don’t get any points either because you’re old and probably going to spend the entire bank’s money on prune juice and Matlock VHS tapes.

If you’re single, you don’t get a point. If no one else will marry you, so why would the bank, right? If you’re married, you get a point. Apparently you know how to commit to something – congratulations. Divorced? Who cares? Not the bank anyway – zero points.

You don’t have any kids – well then you don’t get any points. As Gail mentions, you’re probably some party animal who spends their nights out drinking and dancing at the clubs instead of being responsible and taking care of the baby. You also don’t have any ties to bind you to your home so you’re considered a flight risk since NO ONE would leave a baby behind – riiiiiight. If you have 1 to 3 mouths to feed, then you get a point. You’re a responsible, baby making citizen and you’re making future debt holders. If you have more than 3 dependents, you don’t get a point. Can’t you keep it in your pants? How ever will you stay out of debt with all those people depending on you to survive?

Where do you live? Are you still mooching off your parents? Are you living in some tornado-ridden trailer park? If this is case, no points for you! Are you one of those incredibly sexy individuals renting an apartment – you get a point! Own your own home with a gi-normous mortgage – you get 3 points! Woohoo! Own your house, but don’t have a mortgage? We need to talk about how you got there and give yourself 4 points for being so freaking perfect! Where did you live before and how long were you there for? If you only lived at you current address for less than 5 years, you don’t get a point. Your life is clearly too exciting for a lender to trust you to stay put. Have you been in the same spot for more than 5 years? Well lucky you, you can add on another point to the tally.

How long have you been stuck with pleasantly content with your employer? According to Gail, the longer, the better; and I thought you ladies said that size doesn’t matter?! Less than a year with your current employer gets you a big, fat zero! One to three years will snag you another point; four to six nabs you another 2 points, seven years or more, you’re probably ready to throw your computer out the window, but don’t fret, you get 3 more points – and you thought all those years of service were for nothing!

Not so surprisingly, banks do keep track of the loans that you pay off with them. If you have paid off a loan in full with your bank, you get five more points! Wowsa! If you have a good record with your other lenders, you might just grab yourself another 2 to 3 points! The more money you make, the more credit you get. If you have a checking or savings account with a balance over $500 then you get 2 more points.

Here’s where I was surprised, having a landline in your home actually will earn you 2 extra points. This is because when the banks call you and you answer, they know exactly where you’re hiding. Looks like my iPhone was a wasted investment!

So there you have it. The higher your score, the better you’re going to do when asking for money from the bank. Remember that these factors blend with your credit score when lenders are considering you for credit. If you need to get a loan to pay for school or something else that actually makes sense to take money out for and you can’t get a loan, you can get a cosigner. You have to make sure you’re paying this off though otherwise you’re not just effing up your credit history, you’re effing up the other person’s credit too. Checking your credit report is a good way to see what’s been happening with your credit and who’s checking up on you and it lets you know what you need to do to get your rating out of poor and into excellent! Right now my credit rating is 636 out of 900. A year from now I’ll check it again and I hope that I’ll be at least in the 800s!

Thanks for reading this super long blog entry. I now know that length does matter. Thank you, Gail.