Golden Handcuffs

Every time that the seasons change, I feel like I need to make a change to some aspect of my life, and I’m not really sure why this is. Yesterday I was a huge sack of $hit towards my partner about stupid things that really don’t matter (at least not in the grand scheme of things) but the main focus of my discontent was money. OSAP (Student loans) still hasn’t come through for my partner due to an error on their part and it has left me covering the shortfall for my partner and I. Of course when the loan comes in, I will get all the money I’ve lent back again, but I really hate not being able to be aggressive with my debt payments. I also hate seeing him getting frustrated that he cannot contribute the way he wants to and struggling to find a job while I am able to have two jobs.

What’s important is that I am not holding back and helping my partner get all the things that he needs for school and keeping his tummy full of delicious foodstuffs. After all, this is a partnership and when you love someone (and are dating them) you shouldn’t leave them hanging and feeling stressed out about how they are going to eat dinner. He is loving his program and it seems to be going really well for him, it’s just $hitty that he needs a job. If you’ve ever been in school and looking for a job at the same time, you can sympathize with how much time it takes to find something and remain focused on your studies. Fortunately we both understand that this is temporary and it will be over before we know it. Additionally, he is being a very smart cookie and looking into getting a couple bursaries that will help him with his education.

Find me at Moksha Yoga Ottawa!

My job at the yoga studio is becoming so much more than just a receptionist at the front desk, I am now the man in charge of the very same volunteer program that I started doing almost 2 years ago. I really am enjoying being the manager of the program and working with the volunteers to keep the program organized and moving smoothly. You could say that it’s making me rethink what it is that I want to do with my career. If I didn’t have the golden handcuffs on me which come with being a public servant, and the ball and chain that is my debt, I think I would have taken a huge leap onto a completely different path by now. I fully acknowledge that I will not be in the jobs that I am now when I retire, so I have been thinking about a lot of questions about what the next chapter in my life will be.

There are very few people who know this, but there is a very good chance that I will be moving within the next year or two. With my partner being back in school, he may need to move to Toronto, Montreal, or Vancouver (all great options) to do the next part of his schooling for a couple years and I need to start planning how I am going to get there with him (if this all ends up happening). It’s a big change that I know I can handle, but all that really runs through my mind is the “how the heck am I going to be able to afford this” question. Of course I think about other things as well, mainly missing friends, and the auxiliary annoyances of packing, and all that other craziness, but for me, it all comes back to the money. There is nothing I would hate more than to be right back in this debt situation again, but I guess that would be lucky for you all since I would still have to keep this blog running and the good news for me is that I am building a reference guide to remind myself to stay the heck out of this situation!

Certainly I have proven that I know how to make a budget and my skill set has been expanded to new limits, so now I need to think about what I can do to get myself setup for a job that I will love in another city where competition is fierce and rent is high. Obviously I seem to have found my “what’s next” for when my debt is paid off – I need to start saving for some kind a big change. I can say that I am happy with the way that things are going overall, but at the same time, I get these feelings that I am becoming stagnant and need to do something to shake things up in my life. Again, this really isn’t the case, but it’s just how I feel. 

Now it's Personal!

See, gobbledygook IS a word!

Can you believe that January is over and my mind still wants to write 2011 instead of 2012? Does this mean I’m afraid of the future? No. No it does not. So far this year has been going relatively well, and when I say relatively well, I mean ok, and when I say ok, I mean, it could be better. Yesterday I was having a conversation with my friend Andy about my budget and my future (I’m really amazed that Andy hasn’t asked me to shut up about the budget already – gold star for Andy) and I got to thinking about where am I planning to be at the end of all of this debt repayment gobbledygook. Sure, it’s wonderful that I will have no debt and I will have more freedom to come and go as I please, but what is the point to getting this debt paid off. I really have no desire to buy a house or a condo, I don’t want a car, and there aren’t any other major life-changing purchases that I have in mind. I don’t see myself as someone who fits the same norm as most people. Even friends that I would never expect to mutter the words “I’m moving to the suburbs” are actually planning on moving to the suburbs.

So many questions!

So the big question is, is there something wrong with being happy living in an apartment downtown with cheap rent and just stockpiling a wad of cash toward my retirement? Do I really need to buy into this idea of a house and family and 2.5 kids? How do you even go about raising half a child? The point is that I have started to hit a crossroads where I want to do something that really matters to me other than paying down this budget and trying to fit into some kind of mold that is expected of me. Yes, I have a great job and I am doing well, but is this really what I want to be getting myself into until I’m 65 67? Is there something more that I should be planning to save toward?

I realize that I am finishing off my 20’s and now I’m getting to the point where I am expected to “grow up” and get ready for the future, but I still have another 30+ years of work to do and I want to be able to look back on my life and say that I was really proud of all the things I have accomplished. My creative bone is itching to be used and my heart is yearning to help people who actually need it. I think the biggest challenge that I face is that I have a great salary and a stable(ish) job and I don’t want to do something stupid to mess this up for me, but at the same time, I crave risks, I love adventures, and I hate regrets.

So what am I going to do about this? Well I guess this is where I get back into the talk about setting goals. I want to set myself up so that if I choose, I can take a large chunk of my time to either go back to school, or search for another job, move to another city, open my own business, and really take control over my life. Big things always happen to me in February so I guess I’m just getting a little antsy over the idea of going through this month.

Actually, I guess this is a good time to bring up some exciting news! Starting near the end of the February, I am beginning a yoga teacher training course as part of the “Off the Mat and Into the World” program. The classes are only going to be once a week followed by charity classes every weekend as a way for me to “give back” to the community. If this program really has an impact on me, there are so many places that I can go to work with underprivileged people around the globe and I think that it could have a profound impact on my life. As an added bonus, this training could be the start of a series of courses I could take to make me into a certified yoga instructor and I could make some extra money on the side to help me get this debt paid down faster.

Anyway, I realize that this post is pretty personal and it isn't giving you, the reader, much to use toward your own personal debt repayment planning, but I always like to highlight the importance of looking at the big picture and starting to imagine where you plan to be in the next few years, decades or even in your retirement. With the right dream and the proper plan, your potential can truly be limitless so don’t lose sight of what really matters to you. Only you know what works you so don’t always worry about doing what everyone expects you to do and live your life free of regrets.