|"So this will make my boobs bigger Mr Pharmacist?"|
"No, this is for your chlamydia..."
Ok, let me start off with some really good news. I have a permanent job now! That means I’m going to be getting sick pay (starting on the 21st of March), holiday pay, vacation pay, pension, health coverage, the whole kit and caboodle! So isn’t it ironic that I would get sick a week before I get sick pay. This is nothing new for me though. I have been going without any paid sick time in about 7 years and I think that’s something that many of us can relate too. We can’t plan when we get sick, but we can plan ahead for the days when we will be sick. Usually colds and flus arrive around the same time you see ads on TV for cold and flu medication (hmm). For me, my cold was starting to form last Wednesday, but I decided to have some drinks to celebrate the end of working contracted work the next 20 years which seems to have opened the floodgates for Mr. Mucus to come waltzing in. Let me tell you, if you feel a cold coming on, the last thing you should be spending money on is alcohol and start spending on cold medication. Both will get you feeling pretty buzzed, but cough meds will actually help to alleviate cold symptoms, whereas the alcomaboozeahol seems to enhance them. Or maybe it’s just me and hot toddys are your cure for everything.
I’ve been told about all kinds of remedies for a cold, but the only thing that really seems to work is called sleep. Sleep is completely free and it feels wonderful. Here’s what you do, take your bed, put some sheets, blankets, and pillows on it, and then close your eyes and doze off into cold-killing mode. It works wonders. When you can’t sleep because your throat is so sore and your nose so plugged with boogers that it hurts to breathe, that’s when you turn to medicine. Now listen, I know that some people think when it comes to medicine that “the more the merrier” is the best policy and that only “name brand” medications will do the trick; well I’m here to tell you that those ways of thinking are all bull$hit.
|Ask your pharmacist for the store-brand|
So we lose money by taking sick days, so how the h-e-double hockey sticks do we save money? That’s simple; you have to cancel most if not all money spending obligations. You can’t drink, you can’t go out to eat (what’s the point if everything tastes like Styrofoam) so you lie around in your housecoat and underpants unshaven for the past 4 days and write a blog entry; easy as pie. If you’re really good at getting sick, you’ll get sick for the entire weekend (like me) and you’ll have no choice but to save!
|Does this lollipop taste like mercury to you too?|
Thanks for reading this one. I’m writing it while drinking store-brand NeoCitron so I don’t promise that any of this entry will make sense whatsoever.
XO (cough, cough)